My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.