How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
All stereos are so typical.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!