What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.