Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.