When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...