Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.