What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.