Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.