Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.