Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.