Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets