Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
