What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
Why did Comic Sans divorce Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
I went to a wedding of two nuclear technicians.
The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
They had no chemistry!
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
My Karate teacher is getting a divorce.
He is a great Sensei, but he's not very skilled at the marital arts.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
Two florists recently got married.
It was an arranged marriage.
How do you tell others that your Israeli husband made coffee?
Hebrew.
Two candies had a beautiful wedding. They were truly mint to be
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
Why was everyone shocked when the fruit fly's girlfriend agreed to marry him?
Because the pair had only ever been on rotten dates.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
As soon as you find someone who has bees, marry them.
That’s how you know they're a keeper!
Did you hear about the happy cannon balls?
They just got married and I hear they’re already expecting some BBs.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
I told my husband I was excited to see who's nose our baby has on the ultrasound.
He said, "He can't have my nose, I need it!"
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
What does a cow call their spouse?
Significant udder.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
Why did the pig want a divorce?
Her husband was a boar.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
My wife always said she believes in abstaining from s*x before marriage...
The way things are going, I now think she meant her second marriage.
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm.
I gave her superglue instead.
She's still not talking to me.
A couple is in marriage counseling and the wife tells the therapist that the husband never buys her flowers.
The husband says...
"I didn’t even know she sold flowers!"
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm. I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
Why did the wife divorce the baker?
Because he was much too kneady.
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
Why didn’t my husband laugh at my awesome ice cream joke?
Because he was laughtose intolerant.
My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but it turned out she just wanted to do laundry.
So I folded.
There are 2 unwritten rules for a successful marriage.
1: . 2: .
I got a parking ticket today and my husband just laughed.
He thought it was a fine joke.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web."
Did you hear about the couple that split up over coffee?
The lawyer said there were grounds for divorce.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.