What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...