What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
