What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.