What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
