How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
