Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.