What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.