My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.