How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.