My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
I really hate straws.
They suck.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it