I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.