I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
I couldn't chair less!
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet