What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
I couldn't chair less!
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.