Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
Nothing really mattress.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I couldn't chair less!
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.