How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”