Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy