Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.