his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.