My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.