Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”