When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.