My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.