Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.