What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.