Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
