I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else