Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
What are police cars made of?
Copper
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.