I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
What are police cars made of?
Copper
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."