What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
What are police cars made of?
Copper
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.