Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?