Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.