Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
Car puns are really tiring
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
What are police cars made of?
Copper
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta