My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."