"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.