What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.