I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?