Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.