Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.