Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"