Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.