I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.