Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.