This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
All farts...are laughing gas.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"