What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean