What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!