What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
The sun is just a big space heater.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.