What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.