How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"